i can’t really explain in short my story as it is still ongoing, extreamly long , complex, but  so many of you ask me what is my story, and what illness am i suffering with. Currently I have a life threatening blood disease, which has debilitated me to the point of being housebound for over 5 years. Because  I was refused treatement, that has led to further disease, so I also have celiac disease, genral colonice seizures that are not epileptic, but mean i lose consciousness sometimes several times a day for long periods of time. I also have fibromalgia and auto immune disease unspecified. My body has broken down, most of the dammage irreversable and I am still being excluded from treatment for political reasons.

In a nutshell i grew up being abused, developed anorexia and self harming when i was 11rs old, this was concealed by me and not something people talked or knew much about at the time, unlike today where it has almost become fashionable. My condition became extreamly life threatening on many occasions, so spent alot of time sectioned, being fed by NG feed, strapped to a bed to prevent me from continuing to rip it out. Inbetween hospital admissions abuse continued in just about everywhere I went, be it in hospital, where i stayed in a hostel, or a few isolated incidents where i was held at knife point at work in a safe raid, raped on the acute ward by a crazy patient, witnessed a murder,basically i was repeatedly traumatised, but never reacted at the time, always appeared to take it in my stride, my phrase always being ‘Shit happens.’ Until things hit a peak and suddenly i had a reaction to all that had happened and became suicidal. After attempting to end my life, I was sectioned to a high secure ward, where there I got so bad i set light to my arm ended up in a burns unit, eventually transfered to a unit for abused girls with life threatening self harm.

 There I started to make a recovery after 14 mths, I was taught skills to help me deal with the feelings that caused me to self harm and I gradually stopped self harming. I also was taught skills to deal with the flashbacks, and I started to accept that my past was my past, I was going to make my life different and not let the past ruin the rest of my life. I trained in the skills I was taught because I made so much progress I wanted to be able to help others with these skills and give them the options to recover or atleast believe there was hope if eventually they chose to. I was allowed home, although my weight was still only 35kg, I was atleast genrally more hopeful.

 As soon as i got back i was re- sectioned, probably because they had had reports of the abuse that had been disclosed and alot of it had happened whilst in their care, naturally they wanted to make sure i was silent. Once admitted the abuse started again by the psychiatrist and manager of the hospital. The were angry about what i had disclosed and started to threaten me, other things that had happened to me, i guess they were worried it would all leak out, and like all abusers they use various threats to keep you quiet. My final threat was that i was being discharged to palluative care and they would make sure i died of organ failure. At that time, I was still unaware of the blood disease that had been lying dormant, but durring the hospital stay many tests had been done on me because of the repeated infections and bruises i was getting. I just thought it was to do with my low weight, but i believe now that they knew from the tests i had the blood disease which is why they chose to say they would let me die of organ failure, otherwise that would have been a bizarre threat being i was more likely to have died of my own hand or anorexia at the time. It was only later in a byopsy that the blood disease showed up, but all evidence is tampered with so that the problem is concealed except from the doctor concerned, whos letters always go missing, but this is the genral pattern as i became debilitated with seizures and all my body breaking down, all my hospital notes were messed with so i was always not treated, and upto this day every scan, appointment, document is messed with to prevent treating me. My condition now is life threatening, im still being refused treatment, i’m seeing a solicitor on 23rd Aug to see if he can help me to get a judical review. Even then these things can take long lengths of time that i don’t have on my side.I can’t go out or do anything normal. i’m basically ill all the time, and i spend most of my time supporting other people who have come from abusive back grounds in the hope of giving them some hope that that part of their life they can recover from if they are supported and validated. This isn’t very well explained because there is just too much to try and explain, my story has unfolded for the last year,so obviously those who followed back then have gradually heard it unfold rather than me try to explain it in a question. i hope this atleast answers some of it